Full Time?

Ignoring how specious and nonsensical the entire concept of being “full time” really is – what exactly is stopping me from passing the mystical barrier? It comes down to a few major issues, really.

1. Sometimes I can’t be bothered to put on make up to go to a convenience store. Sorry.

2. The number of razors I would go through would make my mother want to harm me even more than…the number I go through now. Also the amount of irritation from shaving excessively each day can really screw your face up. This should very much become less of an issue soon.

3. Make up costs money. Even $4 foundation. I do not have money. I do not have employment.

4. And will not have employment once I do this unless I find the magic trans-friendly job. On campus ones qualify for that, from what I’ve heard, so at least once I’m back there that’s an avenue. But I am not yet.

5. While it’s getting far more difficult for me to do without going insane, there is the possibility of more shitty construction work – which requires pulling out boy mode. Though I suppose you could fudge gender lines and call it tomboy chic. But you’re not being socially female in that case, though…depending on “passability” you may not be anyway.

6. Family members who don’t know. This isn’t major, as up to the point of wearing a skirt – I can dress as femininely as I want and no one will really notice that much. But it’s very awkward to try to balance people who do know and people who don’t, and interact both ways.

Solutions:

1. Hair removal. It’ll get to the point where I don’t have to and…I’ll pass as well as I would with the make up – whatever that may be. Sure, there’s eyeshadow and stuff – but I basically meant coating my face in skin tone. There’s already a nice reduction going on, and it’s only going to get continually better.

2. The above. Also telling her to suck it, especially since my father is back in work.

3. If I don’t spend extravagantly, I can pull by. Though there is one major financial issue that I can’t write about here which would be a major monkey wrench. That depends largely on…therapist.

4. Deal. Or find that job. It could happen.

5. Do it, or don’t do it. Being a laborer doesn’t make you, “Not a girl.” And besides – the entire concept of all of this is dumb. No one even has to know.

6. Tell people. The place where this doesn’t work is people in their final stages of life – namely my great grandmother and my father’s mother. The latter I see pretty infrequently, so it’s really not a big issue. The former is since I’m going to be at family gatherings at her residence, not to mention the occasional visit…though we avoid that as much as possible now – sad to say.

So yeah, that’s the arguments both ways. I mean, without a doubt I’m going to do it by the end of August – pending massive disaster. I’m just really contemplating sooner.

May 29, 2010. Family, Health, Trans, Work.